No Chemicals Were Harmed

There’s good news, and there’s bad news, so we’ll start with the bad news first.

The bad news is that if this device were capable of creating a chemical-free alternative to water, it would immediately invalidate about 250 years of humanity’s collective understanding of chemistry and maybe tear some sort of a rift into the fabric of the very concept of physical matter in a carbon-based universe.

The good news is that this doesn’t do that.

Water is a chemical. The spray you have under your kitchen sink is also made of chemicals. But so is your coffee and your cat.

But we’re not just here to sell cleaning products with “um, actuaaaally” vibes. Slowly lowers ‘um actually’ finger. We’re here to get to the heart of what this thing is (um) actually claiming to do.

Chemicals are the building blocks of pretty much everything, from anthrax to the most free-range home-made artisanal organic locally-sourced zucchini bread at the pop-up anarchist co-op farmer’s market co-op.

So rather than playing dumb, we’ll address what this spray-bottle premise is actually getting at: it doesn’t use scary chemicals. And what chemicals are scary? Depends on the person.

Formaldehyde? Methanol? Hydrogen cyanide? None of that here. For those, you’d have to look to something truly toxic and unnatural. Like apples, which naturally contain all three.

What about sodium hypochlorite, ammonia, or quaternary ammonium compounds? You won’t find those in apples, but they do indeed show up in plenty of very normal and widely adopted cleaning products, and yeah…they can affect your breathing, hurt your eyes, and irritate your skin.

So rather than get hung up on the logical impossibility that is chemical-free water, let’s just talk about how cool it is that the tech here actually does take one chemical (the water) and turn it into something that’ll clean household surfaces simply by rearranging some of its oxygen atoms.

We breathe oxygen (that’s O₂) and this is ozone (that’s O₃). So this machine doesn’t require any additional chemicals to become a disinfectant cleaner, because it manufactures its own, which happens to be a disinfectant cleaner.

It’s the same basic principle that’s going on with OxiClean, brought right to the palm of your hand and available in an essentially unlimited supply. If Billy Mays was wrong, we don’t want to be right.

It’s a remarkable little trick of science, and this bottomless well of home-made disinfectant cleaning power is yours for just five bucks. And we didn’t even get to the most practical benefit: you’ll never run out of cleaner again.

Drop the bottle on the dock. Re-O₃ your H₂O, and you’re back in business, baby.

You don’t have to have strong feelings about chemicals, but you have to admit the chemistry is pretty rad.