Shhhh

The first thing you learn when you have kids is a love so bizarrely all-encompassing, it sometimes makes you feel jittery and sick.

The second thing you learn when you have kids is that whoever coined the phrase “slept like a baby” had never witnessed a human baby actually sleep. A newborn is perhaps more chaotic in repose than awake.

The third thing you learn is that missing a nap is not something that your kid will recover from that night. Instead, it’s closer to accruing gambling debt; it will not be easy digging yourself out.

These lessons continue, year after year, your adult perceptions of how the world works being reoriented by this little creature you set loose in your house. Your meticulously planned “perfect” day may result in disinterest or even tears. A throwaway joke, on the other hand, will become a game that lasts hours.

Somewhere along the line, you come to understand that your little one does not share your opinion of what constitutes a loud noise.

An animated movie in the theater. The local high school musical. The crowd cheering at a sparsely attended minor league sporting event. You wouldn’t categorize any of these things as quiet, per se, but nor would you put them as on par with the basement show of a hardcore band.

But your kid will. Assuming they know what hardcore music is. (Which they might. This is another thing you learn: the stuff a young child enjoys listening to or watching or eating makes almost no logical sense.)

And their ability or lack thereof to cope with said noise might be the difference between a serene afternoon and a whole day thrown into disarray.

These can help with that.

They provide ear protection for newborns, infants, and toddlers. What’s more, they feature three modes. Passive mode provides noise reduction. Sounds mode plays and calming sounds on repeat like a lullaby, white noise, a burbling creek, or a heartbeat. Active mode, meanwhile, lets some noise in so your kiddo can be engaged in what’s going on without being overwhelmed.

And it’s an especially good time to get these, by the way; with the temperature dropping and the sun going down before 5, most of your outings in the coming months won’t be more like innings. As in: you’ll go somewhere indoors, where there’s more likely to be echoing noise or music playing.

Having a pair or two on hand just might help you avoid a meltdown.

But that’s another thing you learn: there is no way to fully guarantee that you avoid a meltdown.