Under The Seat

Hey, July 3rd! Time to head out for a long weekend, right? Maybe eat some hot dogs, watch some fireworks! It’ll be great!

But first things first, you got a little road trip to deal with.

And before that, you might want to clean out your car. After all, it’s one thing to ride around town with things a little messy. It’s another thing to chauffeur your family and/or friends to a holiday weekend destination in something caked with dust. Not to mention, have you ever even sat in the backseat of your own car? You gotta make sure it’s okay back there.

But hey, it doesn’t look so bad, right? In fact, you might be able to get away with not cleaning it at all.

In the interest of thoroughness, though, why don’t we scooch the driver’s seat forward and make sure there’s nothing hiding out under–

OH! DEAR GOD! WHAT THE FUCK IS ALL THAT?!?!

QUICK, SCOOT IT BACK! SCOOT IT BACKKKKK!!!

[panting]

Hmm… well, that was interesting. But you know what? Probably it wasn’t that bad. We probably just overreacted there. So let’s take another look, and do our best to remain cal–

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

WHAT IS GROWING IN THAT STARBUCKS CUP?! AND DEAR GOD, IS THAT A FRENCH FRY? FROM A FAST FOOD PLACE? DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW LONG IT TAKES FOR THEM TO BREAK DOWN LIKE THAT?!?! WAS THE COLD WAR HAPPENING THE LAST TIME YOU CLEANED THIS THING, YOU MISERABLE SLOB?!?!

SCOOT IT BACK! SCOOT IT BACKKKKKKKKKKKKK!!!

[panting]

So, remember back there when we said you might get away with not cleaning it? We were wrong. But don’t worry. You don’t have to lug your full-sized vacuum outside. You can just get a little one, like this.

It’s powerful enough to suck up some dirt and debris in your car, but also light and portable. And when you’re not using it to vacuum out your automobile, you can put it towards cleaning up small messes around your house. You know, the ones that are a bit much for the broom, but not big enough for the real vacuum.

So go ahead and order one. And then take an inventory of the work to be done, by scooting–

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!