Cheap, Easy Gifting

Gifting a Dorothy Rapid Cold Brewer: the definitive response guide

Scenario 1

You present the Dorothy Rapid Cold Brewer to the recipient, prompting them to say, “Oh, wow! That’s so awesome! I love cold brew, but I always forget to make it the night before. This is so thoughtful. Thank you!”

The appropriate response: “You’re so welcome!”

Scenario 2

You present the Dorothy Rapid Cold Brewer to the recipient, prompting them to say, “This is neat and all, but also a little silly, and I really can’t have you wasting a bunch of your hard-earned money on more ridiculous kitchen gadgets for me that, while cool, are technically unnecessary.”

The appropriate response: “Oh, don’t worry. It was only five bucks!”

Scenario 3

You present the Dorothy Rapid Cold Brewer to the recipient, prompting them to say, “But I don’t even like cold brew coffee. What the heck am I supposed to do with this thing?”

The appropriate response: “It also works for making sun tea and iced tea with loose leaf teas, mixing protein shakes or Metamucil, and just generally stirring stuff together really fast. Also, sometimes it makes a little tornado inside, which is cool.”

Scenario 4

You present the Dorothy Rapid Cold Brewer to the recipient, prompting them to say, “Ah, the old ‘give me a kitchen appliance to distract me while you’re stealing my microfiche’ trick. Agent Gordon, you’re getting too predictable in middle age.”

The appropriate response: “But Dr. Clodd, you didn’t look in the cold brewer.” [Then, as he peers inside, you kick him in the shin, hypnotise the attack dogs to work for you, set them loose on the guards, escape his lair, and reveal his evil plans to the world.]