A Little Treat

Hello, it’s me. Or, well, actually it’s us. As in, I speak for the many, encompassing the collective voice of the assorted snacks you find in a gas station along the highway.

So, how’s your drive to the grandparents’ house for the holidays going?

No, wait, don’t answer that. Let me guess: your children, for once, have agreed upon a movie to watch. This, you thought, was a positive development, given their penchant for bickering about even the smallest detail of the smallest thing. You learned, however, that there is a price to pay for every victory. Despite gifting each of them a pair of wireless headphones last Christmas, their collective entertainment decision demands communal audio, i.e., they’d like their movie played over the car’s stereo.

So you have spent the past hour in the car coming to understand two things:

1. How much of children’s entertainment involves ridiculous sound effects, and…

2. How crazy-making said effects can be without the visuals to accompany.

All of this is to say nothing of the road conditions (wet, but given the temperature, could turn icy any minute), the visibility (you left at four-thirty, so it’s basically pitch black now), and the traffic (congested, made worse by the stretches of single-lane construction).

What do all these factors add up to?

It’s simple: you deserve a treat!

And there are so many treats here at this gas station!

What’s that, you say? You’re worried about the healthiness of the choices I offer, especially during this, the season of ‘overdoing it’? But there’s no need to concern yourself with that. Turn over any of the fine products I represent, and you’ll see an entirely reasonable number of calories… [mumbles incoherently].

Oh, sorry, did you not hear me there? I said, the nutrition facts paint an entirely reasonable picture… [mumbles incoherently].

Okay, I’ll speak up this time. What I was saying was: per serving.

You’d think a single small sleeve of honey-roasted cashews would be a single serving. But you’d be wrong. In fact, it’s not even two. It’s two-point-five for some reason. Same with some of the larger candy bars. And honestly, the little chart on the donut case listing the facts about each delicacy therein? It’s in such a small font, and I’d hate you to strain your eyes.

Look, I’ll admit it. We’re mostly a bunch of products that provide, essentially, a meal’s worth of calories but with none of that pesky nutritional value. And if you treat yourself, remember, you have to treat all in your travel party.

So, if you want to grab a bottle of juice or a cup of coffee and then eat a KIND mini or two you have stashed in your car, fine. It makes sense. After all, you’ll be eating your fair share of garbage when you arrive at your folks’ house. Why not make the healthy choice at least once per day for the next month, right?

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I gotta go. It’s story time around here. That bag of Pizza Combos has never seen the outside of a gas station before, so Twizzlers and Milky Way are telling him all about the wonders beyond these walls.