Outlets, Out-of-Doors

“Hey, sweetie,” MaryAnne said, stepping outside in her slicker. “Is there a reason you’re sitting in the yard in the dark while it’s raining?”

“There’s actually a very reasonable explanation,” Paul said. His eyes remained locked on the glowing screen of his phone.

“Well, that’s good to know.” MaryAnne stood, waiting.

Paul continued scrolling.

“Paul? That explanation?”

“Oh, right.” Paul set his phone down in the wet grass. “Well, I’ve been trying to use my phone less.”

“Seems like it’s going great,” MaryAnne said.

“So, I had this idea,” Paul said. “You know those ClearPower Indoor/Outdoor Water-Resistant Lighting Timers we got for Christmas lights?”

“Yes,” MaryAnne said.

“Well, I plugged one in,” Paul said.

“Okay,” MaryAnne said.

“And I set a timer so it would only be on for two hours at night,” Paul said.

“Let’s speed this up a little bit,” MaryAnne said.

“Fine. I plugged my phone charger into that,” Paul said. “That way, if it died, I wouldn’t be able to just recharge it and keep using it. I’d have to wait until the outlet turned back on and go outside. Anyway, it happened today. And it was so freeing! No phone! Just life! Amazing! Then the outlet turned on. My window was narrow. I had to plug it in, or I wouldn’t be able to set my alarm. Then I had to set my fantasy lineup. Then I scrolled Reddit for a bit. Then I looked at the ‘personal life’ section of three sitcom stars from the 90s.”

“In other words,” MaryAnne said, “you replaced being on your phone all day with being on your phone for two hours at night in the rain.”

Paul frowned. “When you say it like that, you make it sound like it wasn’t a very good plan.”