Ugh. That guy up the street.

You know that neighbor up the street with the really amazing holiday display?

Not the crazy over-the-top one that always makes you smile and question their power bill. But the one with the display that’s always tasteful, understated, and looks just right at every angle, with not a cartoonish reference or inflatable from Home Depot to be seen.

Yeah. That asshole.

First, to state the obvious: yes…he thinks he’s better than you.

And deep down, you might agree with him. He has the expensive but not-at-all flashy foreign-made mid-sized SUV with the wreath on the hood this time of year. His wife always waves when she’s getting the mail (from the mailbox that is never held together with a roll of reusable alien tape purchased from a daily deal website). And the dog…don’t get us started on the charming, well-behaved dog that both looks like it can probably talk but also that it’d never interrupt.

Ugh. They’re the worst.

Anyway. Sure. They’re probably better than you.

But not for all of the very good and valid reasons that you’re thinking of right now. Because when you get right down to it, the car is probably a lease, the wife is probably sick of his nonsense, and the dog probably eats its own crap right before getting the family with an enthusiastic lick to the face.

And yeah, maybe that holiday display really is as elegantly sophisticated as you think it is, but who are we really kidding here? They bought that classy reindeer and tasteful candy cane lamppost from the same store where you got your giant inflatable Minions snow globe out there on the lawn, they just spend like a hundred bucks more in a slightly different seasonal aisle between the wiper fluid and Lawn & Garden.

So when you get right down to it, not only does this dude up the street almost certainly secretly kind of suck, but there’s not a damn bit of difference between his December front yard and yours, not really anyway.

Except the power supply.

Damned if that display doesn’t glow nicely despite an absolute minimum of criss-crossing orange cords or questionably-deployed power strips creating a trip hazard on the front porch. And the somewhat embarrassing look of having your classy snowman glowing half-heartedly in the hazy noon-day light? Not at that house.

Because they’ve got really good cords and really good timers. That’s why. That’s the whole thing.

And with a minimum of cost and a minimum of effort, you too can have really good cords and really good timers. We’re selling them. Right now. Click the thing and you’re in business.

(And in closing, just out of an abundance of holiday spirit, we’d like to point out that we’re sure your neighbors up the street with the really nice display are, of course, indeed garbage. We’re not in the business of backpedaling around here.)