Today's SideDealMoen Inspire 9" Rain Shower Head
Our Take
- Cool-looking chrome finish
- Large 9-inch spray head for great coverage
- Boasts “three times more spray power than most rainshowers” (but we don’t know if they mean other showers or, like, storms)
- Can they make a margarita: No, but they can be helpful if you get the margarita sweats
That's Just The Spray It Is
How to use your Moen Inspire 9" Rain Shower Head
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Remove your crummy old shower head.
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Install your Moen Inspire Rain Shower Head.
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Take a shower.
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Enjoy the 9-inch spray head’s exceptional coverage and powerful pressure.
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Go to work.
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Experience momentary confusion when your boss asks if you got a haircut.
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Realize that it’s actually a matter of personal hygiene: with your old shower head, you weren’t showering as much as you probably should’ve been. Now, with your Moen, you’re enjoying great showers, and it’s affecting the way your hair looks.
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Realize you can’t tell him this.
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Lie and say, “Yeah, actually, I did get a haircut.”
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When he asks where you went because he’s looking for a new stylist, say you’ll email him the details.
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Create a phone number connected to your email.
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Design a logo for a salon.
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Build a quick website with the logo and the phone number.
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Email the link to your boss.
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When he calls, use a vocal filter to book his appointment.
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When he asks for directions, tell him it’s an innovative new salon where you come to him, so he can get a great cut without leaving the house.
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Use the phrase “Uber for haircuts” with enough confidence that he doesn’t realize it makes no sense.
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Panic when you hang up. You just booked your boss for a nonexistent haircut! When nobody shows up to cut his hair, it’ll reflect poorly on you!
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Realize you know one of the best hairdressers alive. What’s more, he’s your own brother. But he hung up his shears a long time ago… after the incident.
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Call him.
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Tell him you need him for one last job.
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Tell him what happened wasn’t his fault.
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Tell him anyone would’ve gotten flustered when that many moths fly into a room, and that it was totally reasonable, within the swarm, to issue such a tragically misplaced snip.
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Tell him that whoever was using that ladder should’ve put it away.
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Tell him that loft spaces, like where he used to do his haircuts, should have guard rails, and it was the landlord’s fault his didn’t.
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When this pep talk fails, offer him an extravagant amount of money to go give your boss a haircut.
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When your boss comes in the next day, compliment him on his new haircut.
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Try not to look too confused while he chuckles and shakes his head.
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Listen as he explains the hairdresser never showed up, but that he did recently install a new Moen Inspire 9" Rain Shower Head, and that that must be what you’re noticing.
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Call your brother.
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Find the line disconnected.
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Realize he’s taken you for a ride.
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Curse him.
NOTE: Steps 5 through 33 are optional.
