Merry Christmas (Please Buy Something)

Merry Christmas from me, your extreme deal-hunting aunt.

Listen, you people? You think you’re deal hunters, okay? But I’ve been doing this long before there were sites like Meh that delivered a new deal every morning. I started clipping coupons back when they were handwritten. I once managed to parlay a pile of IOUs and BOGOs into a Ford Aerostar, and you better believe I had free tire rotation for life on that thing.

So, my gift to you today is two pieces of advice:

1. Always monitor the forces that might drive down value that come from outside the product, not within. For example, if you were to tour my kitchen, you wouldn’t see one premium appliance that isn’t printed with the name of a cancelled celebrity chef.

And…

2. Follow the seasons and the trends.

My new winter coat? I got it on clearance last March.

My new winter boots? I got them on clearance in March 2018.

These wool socks that I’m wearing for the first time today? Actually, they weren’t an end-of-season thing. I get them from clipping Waffle Crisp UPCs for three years in the early 2000s.

But you get what I’m saying.

I just gifted one of my grand-nephews a never-worn vintage sweater from 1992. You know how I know it’s never been worn? Because I bought it off the rack that same year. It was going out of style, and between the accumulated points in my rewards and the three coupons I had, the cashier actually had to open her till and hand me a crisp 5 dollar bill just for taking it out of the store.

Now, it’s come back in style, and my grand-nephew loves it. He told me, ‘Auntie, this thing is six-seven!’ I have no idea what the hell that means, but he seemed happy.

All this is to say, while everyone else is drinking eggnog and eating figgy pudding, you should keep your third-eye open. And by that I mean: the eye you use to see savings.

As such, you should be considering these indoor and outdoor light timers, even though today marks the day that the lights start to come down. Like, sure, you can use them for some twinkle lights around the deck in the summer. Or you can use the indoor ones to turn your lights on at night while on vacation. And hell, when don’t you need some extension cords? But the point stands: people associate this stuff (or at least the outdoor ones) with the holidays. Hence, they are at their zenith of cheapness right now.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I better be going. Today is a day of rest for me. Tomorrow, I go out and buy Christmas lights for about ten cents a yard.