Mood Lighting

Hello friends,

As you may have noticed on recent visits, I’ve installed WiZ Connected 13FT LED Light Strip Kits throughout my home. Several of you have commented on the fact that these provide some nice ambiance, a much-needed touch of light and color to get through the long, cold winter months. You assume, it seems, that they are merely decorative.

And I just want you to know that this is NOT THE CASE.

I did NOT purchase these light strips, which are controllable via an app and capable of producing 16 million colors, because I wanted to set the mood. Instead, I wanted to convey the mood. By which I mean: my mood.

I thought this should be self-explanatory, thus allowing me to communicate how I’m feeling without having to say it outright. But apparently not. So please, before you next visit, familiarize yourself with the following key of colors and their various meanings.

Light green

I’m feeling nauseous.

Forest green

I have smoked quite a copious amount of marijuana before your arrival, so expect conversations to be philosophical and/or paranoid.

Orange

I have consumed a habanero pepper, and it has totally blown out my palate. Please do not suggest any delicate dinner options.

Blue

I’m sad.

Light blue

I am sad, and I have also consumed quite a lot of milk, leaving me feeling bloated.

Navy blue

I have smoked quite a copious amount of marijuana before your arrival, while watching a documentary about a famous seafaring expedition, so get ready to hear about some boats!

Deep yellow

I’m pretty dehydrated. (If I excuse myself to the kitchen and the light turns orange, know that I ate a habanero in the hopes that the heat would cause me to rehydrate with more urgency.)

Brown

I am feeling all of the above at the same time and/or I am dealing with some gastric distress.

I hope this helps. And again, I have 16 million colors at my disposal, so I may add to this key from time to time.

Thank you for your understanding.

Your friend,
Jeggory Maltides