Tools, In Time

How to winterize your grill:

1. Clean your grill.

2. Take the new set of grill tools with built-in lights you got from Meh and set them inside your grill so you don’t forget where they are at the start of grilling season next year.

3. Close your grill.

4. Put a cover on your grill.

5. Roll your grill up a mountain.

6. Find a cave for your grill.

7. Roll your grill deep into the cave, so it can hibernate.

8. Go about your winter, checking on your grill occasionally.

9. Find the cover off and some char on your grill during one of your checks, indicating that it has been used.

10. Wait outside the cave all day and all night to see who disturbed your winterized grill’s long slumber.

11. When no one comes, go back into the cave and find even more signs of grill use than before.

12. Realize what this means: that whoever used your grill didn’t come from outside the cave; they came from deeper within it.

13. Hide around a bend in the cave.

14. When you hear the grill lighting up, peek around to see who it is.

15. Observe a bear making hot dogs, using the tool sets’ built-in lights to see when each dog is done in the darkness of the cave.

16. Think, Am I on an episode of Man vs. Wild, because that sure looks like Bear Grills!

17. Oh god, it’s too funny. You’re laughing. The bear has heard you.

18. Try to remember the rhyme about what to do in the event of a bear encounter.

19. Shit, just forget it and run!

20. The bear is running after you.

21. Try not to trip.

22. Dammit, you tripped!

23. Look up at the bear looming over you as it opens its mouth and roars… only… it sounds like the alarm on your phone?

24. Wake up and rejoice: it was only a dream.

25. Find the grill spatula under your pillow.

26. Spin it on its handle like a top to see if you’re still dreaming.

27. Watch as it spins and spins.