Cruise the Craters

What we have here is a rad little moon buggy. It’s cute and fun, with simple controls and a 50-foot range. Plus, it can be used indoors and outdoors, meaning your kiddo can enjoy driving it around the house on a rainy day or out in the backyard when the sun is shining. What’s more, given that it’s based on the rover used in the actual Apollo missions, it just might teach them something about history!

With this in mind, we’d like to use today’s product write-up to do the same: teach. You see, everyone has heard the iconic soundbite spoken by Neil Armstrong as he took the first step onto the moon. But few know that those famous words were part of a much longer exchange. And while it makes sense why the rest of his comments are often omitted, it still doesn’t seem right to erase history.

For that reason, we present the full, unabridged transcript from the moon landing:

NEIL ARMSTRONG: That’s one small step for man, one giant leap for mankind.

MISSION CONTROL: Great work up there, team. Now, let’s get everything ready for–

NA: Sorry, but while I’m on, I actually have something else to say.

MC: Oh, uh, sure. Go ahead, Neil.

NA: There’s someone I wanted to share this moment with who might not be watching. You see, six months ago, I met the love of my life, the most beautiful and kindest person in the world. Three months ago, I made my biggest mistake and cheated–

MC: Neil, this maybe isn’t the right time for… whatever it is you’re doing.

NA: Fine, fine.

MC: Alright, let’s start preparations for–

NA: But there’s actually something else I need to confess. You see, I’ve eaten the plums that were in the icebox, and which you were probably saving for breakfast. Forgive me, they were–

MC: Neil, are you just doing the William Carlos Williams poem now?

NA: The what?

MC: The poem. By William Carlos Williams.

NA: This is the first I’ve ever heard of him. So no. What I’m doing is confessing a crime while outside of the jurisdiction of any law-enforcing body to avoid arrest.

MC: Okay, sure. Alright, everybody, let’s–

NA: What? Just because some other guy stole some plums from an ice box, that means I couldn’t possibly have? You want to know how long people have been stealing plums? For as long as they’ve been charging money for plums, that’s how long! So don’t blame me. Blame capitalism.

DIRECTOR: Cut! Cut! Neil, I know you’re trying to add some drama, but let’s just stick with the script, okay? And the line, by the way, is, ‘One small step for a man.’ The ‘a’ is really important there, got it?

NA: Yeah, sorry. Dammit. I always mess that one up.

DIRECTOR: Okay, places everyone, places for moon landing take two. I need quiet on the sound stage, people! And… action.

NA: That’s one small step for man, one giant leap for mankind.

DIRECTOR: And cut. That’ll do. We’ll see if we can fix it in post.

See, there’s so much more going on than that one simple line would lead you to believe. Now get yourself this little moon buggy and have fun playing moon landing with your kids!