Zit Follows

On a previous sale, tireless (and often correct) skeptic @werehatrack said:

I’m not close enough to definitively state whether there is a strong aroma of snake oil around these.

We understand this sentiment. ‘Simple’ and ‘effective’ are, unfortunately, in many cases, oxymorons. The effective treatment of a persistent problem is rarely simple, and, in turn, overly simple solutions are rarely effective.

And these things? They’re basically stickers for your face. And there’s a reason stickers are loved by everyone ages one and up. They’re simple as all hell. Which means they’re likely not very effective.

Or are they?

To answer this, I set out on a fact-finding mission to see what the experts had to say. And my first stop was a site that has never led anyone astray, medically speaking. Of course, I’m talking about WebMD.

Given that WebMD articles are reviewed by real physicians, I knew I could count on them. This was somewhere I could find definitive answers, a place unafraid of taking a stance and committing to it boldly. So, I read the first line of the article:

Big or small, a pimple might not be a welcome sight.

Wait, what? ‘Might not be a welcome sight’? They’re afraid to say, conclusively, that people don’t like seeing pimples when they look in the mirror?

But hey, the last thing you want is heat from the pimple-kink community, so I get it. With any luck, the next sentence wouldn’t use “might” as a crutch.

Whether you get the occasional blemish or deal with acne regularly, pimple patches may be a good solution.

Okay, well, I guess “may” is technically not the same word as “might.” Still, not off to a great start.

And yet, down the page (perhaps a bit too far down the page, some might argue), we finally get some answers in the section with the subheading, “How Well Does a Hydrocolloid Patch Work”:

Researchers compared hydrocolloid pimple patches with surgical tape on the skin of people with mild to moderate acne. They changed their patch or tape every 2 days for 1 week. Both groups had less severe acne by the end of the study, but the pimple patch was better at:

• Making acne less severe
• Filtering out more UV radiation, which helps prevent skin cancer and melanoma
• Controlling redness, oiliness, dark pigmentation, and sebum (a waxy substance that your skin releases) on days 3, 5, and 7

So that’s something… right?

Dermatologist Amy Kassouf, MD, gives a more tepid endorsement on the Cleveland Clinic’s site:

“Ideally, of course, you don’t pick at your skin or pop zits,” says Dr. Kassouf. “But if you’ve already gone down that road, a pimple patch may help your skin recover and minimize damage.”

And how do they minimize damage? By absorbing and draining pus and oil from picked-open zits, unclogging pores, and protecting the area from further picking.

To put it simply:

“Pimple patches are really just wound healing dressings for a very specific type of lesion,” explains Dr. Kassouf. “They’re spot treatments that can be helpful IF you have a certain type of pimple that has opened.”

And those types of pimples? Papules (bumps caused by excess oil), pustules (pus-filled pockets), whiteheads, and cysts.

But to backtrack, that bit about covering the area so you won’t mess with it again? That’s the pitch, as far as I’m concerned. These protect irritated areas of skin from that which damages them most: you. Maybe that wouldn’t be super appealing if you had to pay $36 for the patches (and another $36 for the included gels), but for $15 total, they can just be little stickers to serve as a barrier between your open zits and your fingers.

In conclusion, it’s not exactly snake oil, but not a cure-all.

Maybe I shouldn’t have been so critical of WebMD’s noncommittal language…