Pump Up, Settle Down

Hosting a guest. It can be tough.

First of all, you have to clean your house. But then, you need to leave it a little cluttered, so the guest doesn’t think you put too much work into cleaning.

There’s also a bit of a Streisand effect thing there, right? If your house is completely organized and sterilized, it’ll only increase your guest’s curiosity about what it was like before.

So: you need it clean but looking lived in. Then you have to say, “Sorry for the mess.” And the guest has to say, “Oh, this? This isn’t messy. You should see my place!”

And all that work is just getting them in the door. From there, you need plans, destinations, things to do. (This part, for me personally, is always a bit rough. Every time someone comes to see me from out of town, I learn that I only ever really engage in my surrounding areas as someone eats and drinks things. The guest will ask if there are any cool museums or trails or tours. In response, I will only be able to list coffee shops, breweries, and taquerias.)

But if you buy this air mattress, there’s one part of hosting a guest that isn’t hard: setting them up with a place to sleep. You don’t need a guest bed or a futon or a pullout couch. You can just inflate this thing wherever you have a decent bit of space. And you don’t have to worry about losing the pump either, because it’s built right in.

But do be mindful: your guest will not be in their own home. And while these air mattresses are comfortable, they still might have trouble getting to sleep.

Thus, you might want to provide some good bedtime reading that’ll help get them down. No, we don’t mean something boring. We’re talking about books written by those who are particularly adept at sending people off to dreamland.

Something by an author like:

• Jane Exhausten
• George Snorewell
• Albert Camus-mile
• E.B. White Noise
• R.E.M. Forster
• Melatoni Morrison
• Fyodor Doze-toevsky
• Snoozeanne Collins

Yep. As usual, the puns are bad. But the sleep your guest will get on this air mattress? It’ll be great! Probably. And if it’s not, it won’t be the fault of the mattress.