Shake It Off

Hi. It’s me. That big meal you ate last night.

In some ways, my existence is a contradiction. It is because you finished me that I now exert control over your life. Were I to still exist in a corporeal state, I would have no such power. The fact of my being ‘gone’ means I am still ‘here.’

But maybe I’m making things too confusing. After all, it’s early in the morning, and you’re only halfway through your first cup of coffee. That’s no time to work through something complicated, right?

Wrong!

Because a problem must be solved forthwith, one of calculus-level complexity.

You see, you woke up with my heft lingering in your belly. Somewhat depleted from the night before, sure, but uncomfortable nonetheless. This leaves you with two options:

1. In atonement for your overindulgence the evening previous, you can virtuously skip breakfast. At first, you will feel great about this decision. After all, an excessive nutritional intake followed by an extended fast is just two normal-sized meals, isn’t it? The trouble will come later, however, mid-morning when you want to exercise, or when you feel peckish at work. You will have an ill-timed snack that will preemptively ruin your workout or return you right back to feeling lethargic and overstuffed at your desk.

Or…

2. You will say to yourself, “So what if I had an enormous plate of food last night? I can’t live in the past! Therefore, my best course is to move forward as if nothing is wrong, which means having what I usually have for breakfast.” But this too carries with it some risk. The meal that usually leaves you feeling satisfied the morning after a normal-sized dinner might bring you misery after me.

Don’t you see? It’s a paradox! An unsolvable riddle!

Only, now that the coffee’s hitting, you might be starting to realize how hyperbolic I am. After all, there is a third option, which is this: you mix up a little shake with some Yes You Can choco-brownie whey protein. It only has 100 calories per serving, so you can throw in a banana or a little peanut butter or some other additive without fear that it’ll leave you feeling over-full all over again. But also, each serving packs a nice 15 grams of protein, which is the perfect amount to keep you feeling good and alert straight through your workout or until your lunch break.

Neat, right?

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I ought to be getting going. You see, I’m at the point of the digestive process when…

Well, on second thought, I’ll keep the details to myself.