Frywitness news: Shoddy Goods 059
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I’m Jason Toon and I ate the same pair of Taco Bell bean burritos so many times in high school, I still remember the price ($1.27 with tax). But the world isn’t so simple these days, and that includes the ever-changing fast food menu. In this issue of Shoddy Goods, the newsletter from Meh about consumer culture, we salute our fellow journalists working tirelessly to make sure no Shamrock Shake or Angry Whopper passes unnoticed.
If you’re anything like me, reading the news always makes you feel worse - and yet you can’t stop checking it. Maybe you feel some obscure sense of duty to keep up with major world events. Maybe you’re afraid of missing out on some big historical moment. Whyever you do it, it always leaves you bummed out and exhausted, both overstuffed and empty.
Well, in the course of researching pieces for this newsletter, I discovered an alternate journalistic universe. One where a major world event might be “Pumpkin Spice Donuts Return to Krispy Kreme” and a big historical moment could be “Del Taco Launches New Lineup of Half-Pound Burritos”. I’m talking about the carefree, self-indulgent world of fast-food news, a media ecosystem of low stakes and cheesesteaks, where the only thing that leaves you feeling overstuffed and empty is the food itself.
Extra, extra! Read all about eat! From Fast Food Post
“That’s Grand Mac to you, sir”
The eminences greasy of fast food journalism are Eat This, Not That and The Food Reviewer. Both are still chugging along. But where Eat This, Not That offers healthy (well, healthier) fast-food advice and The Food Reviewer is all about his personal take on what’s a “buy”, today’s fast food media serves its customers a steady diet of announcements and reviews of new and seasonal offerings.
You know that one friend of yours who always knows when the McRib is back? As fast food chains rely more and more on such limited time offerings - LTOs, in scene lingo - to generate buzz, a community of such enthusiasts has grown around chasing and tasting these elusive delicacies.
The kind of fast-foodie who reminisces about the Naked Chicken Chalupa and the Grand Mac now needs a scorecard to keep up with their LTO bucket list. That’s where these sources come in.
Talk about a news feed
The Brand Eating community tackles the issues
Some, like Fast Food Post, seem to just uncritically share every press release issued by a fast-food company. It’s comprehensive - you’ll never miss a new shake flavor or movie tie-in meal - but nobody would accuse FFP of having a strong editorial perspective. They do have an unusually nice layout for this industry, I’ll give them that.
Since its 2008 founding, Brand Eating has put a bit more work in, adding context like the reassurance that KFC’s new potato wedges “are not replacing Secret Recipe Fries, which are still available.” They do their own reviews and they’re not afraid to admit that while Culver’s new Chili Cheese Dog is OK, they’re “not sure [they]'d pay $8 for it, though.”
Brand Eating is rewarded for this diligence with the most robust community of commenters in the biz. If you’re looking for a vigorous discussion of Applebee’s appetizer samplers, you’ve found your people. You can even join their Patreon for advance access to their latest intel.
Is this that YouTube radicalization people keep talking about? From Fast Food Club
Another outlet that goes beyond PR copy/paste is Fast Food Club, born out of a Facebook group of the same name. With advice listicles, copycat recipes, a menu archive, and a YouTube channel, they’re aiming to be a full-360 resource for the fast-food lifestyle - or at least a strong collection of high-performing SEO keywords. They do have a neat little Fast Food Club manifesto, and I can appreciate the extra frisson of verbal flair they bring to such pieces as “Everything We Know About Starbucks’ Fall 2025 Menu”.
You deserve a break from real news
I don’t honestly eat that much fast food these days. I don’t even live in the USA anymore, so I can’t even eat most of the LTOs that do catch my eye. So why does scrolling through one of these sites induce a full-body sigh of tranquility? (It certainly isn’t the clunky ad-laden UX they favor, which makes my laptop wheeze like it’s doing squat-thrusts after downing a full sack of White Castles.)
Because it reminds me of my working-class Midwestern childhood, when life seemed simpler because I was simpler. Before I knew fast food was terrible for you and for the planet. Before I could see the corporate string-pulling behind meal deals and new flavors. Back when me and my friends knew and cared which malls had a Sbarro’s.
When everything else gets to be a little too much, when the dismal noise of a world in turmoil starts to close in, I can daydream about a world where everything is in its place, all food is good, and today’s biggest headline is about Dairy Queen’s new Superman Blizzard.
I went to Taco Bell enough during high school that I got recognized by the employees other places around town. My senior year yearbook collage prominently featured their burrito wrapper. And I distinctly remember the launch of the 7-Layer Burrito, momentously overtaking my previous stalwart order of 2 bean burritos, no onions.
What fast food launches do you still remember? Got any ‘limited time offerings’ you’re always on the lookout for? Come over to this week’s Shoddy Goods chat and let’s discuss the best terrible foods.
—Dave (and the rest of Meh)
Don’t miss out! These Shoddy Goods stories are back for a limited time! (Offer expires when the Sun goes red giant and engulfs the Earth.)
- Fast food in Pompeii and other consumer habits that seem modern but aren’t
- Music you can eat: when pop stars turn into grocery brands
- Aldi keeps getting sued for ripping off name-brand packaging
I went to Taco Bell enough during high school that I got recognized by the employees other places around town. My senior year yearbook collage prominently featured their burrito wrapper. And I distinctly remember the launch of the 7-Layer Burrito, momentously overtaking my previous stalwart order of 2 bean burritos, no onions.
What fast food launches do you still remember? Got any ‘limited time offerings’ you’re always on the lookout for?
- 11 comments, 11 replies
- Comment
In all honesty, we didn’t have fast food when I was in high school. The closest we had was an old a&w. And it still had car hops. But of course my high school graduation day was 1972. I vaguely remember McDonald’s coming to town before I graduated from college actually. But nobody went there because it was too expensive a people didn’t eat out like we do now. So even a 15 cent Burger it was too much. The one place I do remember getting things from was a thing called Chicken Delight. And they delivered back in the late 60s. And they did chicken and the classic chicken sides like mashed potatoes and corn on the cob and then they did these little rolls, they weren’t biscuits they were rolls and I can’t describe the taste but I remember that they were almost like a cross between a roll and a cake and I loved them. So fast food launches probably all of them if I paid attention to them which I generally don’t
@Cerridwyn I could go for a cake-roll right about now.
Why would anyone hype a food launch?
It’s like a televised pro sports Decision. An efficient way to unabashedly translate hype into cash, but still…
I last remember the McDonald’s Arch Deluxe hamburger, complete with Ronald McDonald in full makeup and a 3 piece suit, proclaiming he felt sorry for the competition. Or the McDLT that “keeps the hot side hot and the cool side cool”.
@pakopako I used to make my parents get mcdlt’s (and hotcake breakfasts) because I had airplane plans that were made by cutting the pieces out of those particular Styrofoam containers.
Now as a parent I’m pretty sure I would be like “but I don’t want to eat that.” I already tell me 3 year old every time he wants to go to McDonald’s (which is every time we drive by one) that it is the land of disappointment and regret. He continues to believe otherwise through his own happy meal experiences.
Meal of Misfortune
When I was a senior in high school, they brought Taco Bell and Pizza Hut in for food service. Tacos were 70 cents each for a hard or soft taco. Plain pizza was $1.00 and pepperoni was $1.25 per slice. My parents gave me $5 for lunch every day. I would alternate each day between 3 slices of pizza or 4 soft tacos. Add in 50 cents for a soda, and I always had about a dollar leftover. Those were the days.
We have a regional chain called Griff’s, not sure how far it goes. They make “old fashioned hamburgers” and their fries are still fried in tallow.
They offer a combo called the Monster Meal that’s a triple cheeseburger with fries and a drink. The bag is usually transparent from the grease having soaked through the burger wrapper and the bag by the time you get it. It’s a real assault on the old arteries already.
I had a friend in college who thought it was hilarious to go there and order a monster meal with extra grease. He didn’t realize that no one there gave a shit, and they would literally just scoop up some of the grease off the flat top and put it on his burger. And his bag would be more transparent than anyone else’s. He gave himself and no one else a laugh every time he did it. Now I wonder if he’s putting some cardiologist’s kid through college.
In regards to McDonald’s, I always thought that the McRib was way too overrated. I worked at Mickey D’s when they first launched that crime against fast food. One bite and I spit it out and damned near threw up. Totally disgusting and the only rational reason that I can muster as to why people still look forward to it is because their taste buds are dead.
The one LTO that turned into a one time offer was the Cheddar Melt. Pumpernickel Bun, sautéed Teriyaki onions, cheddar cheese sauce with a 4:1 burger was the best LTO they ever offered, imo. And it was popular at all of the McDonald’s in my area. Why it never made a return baffles me.
Also, the crispy chicken Cobb salad was fantastic. Gone! Never to return. It was better than the one Wendy’s offers now.
And I REALLY wish they would bring back the fried cherry pies. Or even baked ones, ffs.
@DemonChild Ugh, I’d forgotten about those pies and now I desperately want one. Of course, I also routinely would burn my mouth trying to eat them too fast.
@dave @DemonChild I worked at a McDonald’s the summer of 1981, and if we worked the closing shift we were allowed to bring home any unsold fried pies. They made for a great breakfast the next morning!
I don’t recall having any LTO food items back then but we did have a promotion of Great Muppet Caper drinking glasses. I have 2 complete sets in mint condition which I’m positive will be worth a ton of money someday.
@dave I used to fry some up about an before we closed so I could take them home.
@hollieschmidt I had a complete set of the stuffed Muppet Babies and 2 complete sets of every Happy Meal toy from the 4 years that I worked there. One set I left in the packaging and the other I had displayed on a ledge in my room. If I still had all of those, I would be rich. I regret giving them away. Even my merit pin collection was worth a fortune until it got stolen. I had pin collectors coming to the restaurant looking for me. It was wild!
@DemonChild I worked at McDonald’s, too, and was always grossed out by the bags of not-yet-sauced McRibs. I remember a mold-green tinge…
I would pay money to bring back this delicious environmental-destroying beauty. Best burger McD’s has ever offered.
@lehigh I never saw that ad. The McDLT formula in our area had it all on one side, in a regular box, and I had to make sure to emphasize NO CHEESE because that slab-of-regret was invariably melted onto the patty. (And back then, this was “a grill”, which meant waiting much longer to get the burger.)
Ummm, you mention Culver’s Chili Cheese Dog. The review is for the Shake Shack one. Culver’s does not do dogs (too bad, I love their Butterburgers and Custard!). 8 bucks for a dog is crazy though, IMHO.
I keep an eye out for new Mountain Dew and Monster Ultra flavors, and those seem to find there way to me from Sporked.com and AllRecipes.com. I’m definitely going to check out some of those other sources from the story.
I’m old and when I was in elementary school lunch was 35 cents. I don’t know how many of you might remember this, but I wish Taco Bell would bring back the Bell Beefer. It was a hamburger bun filled with taco ground beef. I loved them when I was young.
@grush I remember an old Ghostbusters cartoon episode where they save a man from a limbo inside a magic box; the first thing the man asks is for a dime to call his family, not realizing that he’d been in limbo for decades and his family may not be the same… And as Peter bluntly tells him: it’s a quarter now.
@grush
OMG… 35 cents. Nope. That wasn’t going to happen in our house. Rocked a lunch box for all of my elementary thru high school years…
Does anyone remember the white cheddar jalapeno burger from McDonalds? It had a slice of white cheddar, some sort of white cheddar sauce, two patties, pickled jalapenos and fried jalapenos. All for like a buck. It was so good.
@actionjacksn04 It sounds good! It would probably be really expensive now.